Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, MOMMMMMMMMYYY!

I just don't think I'm cut out for motherhood. Here's why:

1. I don't have infinite patience.
2. I don't do well without sleep.
3. I have no idea how to do little girls' hair. Heck, I can barely do my own.
4. Apparently I'm a deep sleeper. Who knew?
5. I'm not a baby wearer. I just can't figure it out. Maybe I never get the right apparatus. Maybe my babies are not cooperative. Besides, if you were meant to wear babies wouldn't human gestation be longer?
6. I don't have great upper body strength, which makes carrying around 30 pounds with one arm quite the chore (think baby+carrier).
7. I don't have x-ray vision, so I can't see what my two-year-old is doing while I'm nursing a baby.
8. I'm easily defeated by simple things, e.g. silly putty.
9. I can't help but laugh when my kid says something that's really funny, but should probably get her in trouble. And laughing does not help disciplining.
10. I don't like poop, pee and/or other bodily fluids.
11. I pretty much hate folding laundry. And doing dishes. Sweeping the floor. Mopping. Cleaning toilets and showers. Uh, yeah, let's just say I'm not fond of household chores.
12. There are only so many times I can answer "why?" without saying "because" or "because I said so."
13. I don't really care if my kid doesn't put away her toys. Sure, it would be nice, but it's waaaay down there on my priority list.
14. Ice cream for dinner is a good idea in my opinion.
15. I will never attempt to use cloth diapers, not matter how awesome they have become. See #10.
16. I will not cut dairy from my diet because I think it might be giving my baby gas. Gas is normal. So is ice cream. See #14.
17. I like to shower daily.
18. I'm not a morning person.
19. I shall always allow my children to eat cookie dough, even if it contains raw eggs.
20. I'm not against saying "because they/he/she/it didn't listen to their/his/her/its mother" as an explanation for why bad things happen, e.g flies die in lamps.
21. I like to pee by myself.
22. Rocking in my sleep makes me light headed.

In other news, I think I found the pathway to world peace: every person needs a long, hot shower, a 3-day-weekend, a nap, and a big hunk of peanut butter bar.

And at another time in the not-so-distant future I shall tell you about the weekend/Monday that has sponsored this post. But I have an early morning ahead of me. See # 2 and 18.