Today's Hot Issue

My cousin Katie posed the question on her blog (click here): public breastfeeding: wrong? right? ...medium-well? I was just going to leave my comment, but then it got super long, so I thought I'd just create my own post. 

First, I'd like to say that I'm not comfortable nursing in public (occasionally I do with a cover, but still find it kinda awkward). I'm also not comfortable nursing uncovered in my own home when people other than my immediate family (and a few other women) are around. However, I think there are some things that people who have never nursed before assume while passing judgment on those who nurse in public. 

Katie asks, "How hard is it to drape a blanket over yourself?" Well, add in a nursing bra, a shirt, and a wiggling, possibly screaming child who doesn't like to have a blanket over his face while he's eating, and the answer is, "impossibly hard." I mean, do you like to have a blanket over your face while you eat? Or do you like to eat in the dark? Probably not. Most babies don't like it either. And they will resist if they are old enough (like 3 or 4 months).

As comparing it to peeing in public, I'm gonna have to say it's not a fair comparison. My sister pointed out that you can't hold in milk like you can pee. Also, no one is relying on that pee for their well-being and nutritional needs. You're an adult, hold it until you can get to a bathroom, or at least a bush. I also dare say the breast is not a sexual organ. Sure, men find them sexy. But men also find a lot of other things sexy, like feet, legs, lips, etc, etc. They are not necessary for procreation.

Another reader asked, "how do women feel okay with exposing that much of themselves to the public?" Well, it's called having children. The whole process of being pregnant and birthing a child leaves you pretty much zero privacy. From the doctor's appointments, to stranger's prying questions, nothing is your own anymore. Heck, your body isn't really even yours anymore. It belongs to the strange alien being growing inside you. And then you give birth. And people you normally wouldn't let look down there, well, they are probably staring. And you don't care. Because, one, you are in so much pain and so focused you probably have no idea what is going on. Two, are you even sure that is your body? All you really care about is that that kid gets out of you healthy, and preferably quickly.

And then you have a child. And the lactation specialists come in and start milking you like a cow. And then you buy a machine that milks you like a cow. All so you can feed this kid. All the time. And those cute little videos you see of silently sleeping newborns? Lies. They scream when they are hungry, in a dying hyena/cat thing kind of way. And you will do anything to get them to stop. Including letting them suckle on one of your more sensitive areas. Until they bleed, and scab, and then they will rip those scabs off, and you'll scream and bleed some more. It's called love.

Oh, and speaking of peeing in public, once you have a kid, you'll probably never pee alone again.

Another reader says, "As a non-nursing-non-mother, I just don't understand what the urgency is to just whip out the boob -- hurry and finish your shopping & go home." Well the urgency, as my sister points out, is that you are about to get soaked. And your child is screaming. And people are already staring, and probably whispering, because your child is screaming like you've neglected to feed him in three days. When in reality, it's been two hours, which is the time that it took you to get you and said baby out the door and to the store and all you've managed to get in your cart is a loaf of bread. Because promptly after you fed that baby it pooped all over itself, and yourself, and everyone needed a change of clothes. And then you realized the diaper bag was out of diapers. And then you had to carry all the stuff to the car and load it in.

The reader then asks, "Aren't most babies on a pretty reliable schedule anyway?" Ha! In your dreams. Or at least mine. I guess some are, when they get older. And some will never be. Plus, never will there be "grocery shopping time" on your baby's schedule.

And another good question, "Can't you plan to find somewhere private?" Well, I sure hope so. I prefer a fitting room. I have nursed a baby, more than once, in a fitting room at Target. But what if those fitting rooms are full? Or you are somewhere that doesn't have one? Nurse in the bathroom? Eww. I would never eat in a public restroom, so I'm not going to let my kid either. Go to your car? Well, not if you are halfway finished shopping, because there is no way you are going to start over if some zealous employee puts your cart away.

Another reader commented about a woman breastfeeding in public, "the only thing covering her up was that kid's mouth." Well, that's something. I mean, I've seen shirts, and especially swimsuits, that cover up less than my kid's big mouth.

Shouldn't we cover up for the sake of men and their delicate minds? Really? Isn't that a little demeaning? I'm pretty sure that a man can see a breast feeding a child and not get aroused. If not, that man has some work to do on himself and keeping his thoughts clean. Same thing as dressing immodestly? No. Because I may wear a mini skirt to look sexy (although after having children, it's probably not the best idea I've ever had), but I can guarantee I don't think that I might look more attractive if I expose my breast to feed my child. I am not saying that women who dress immodestly are responsible for men's thoughts. They aren't. The men are. But by wearing immodest clothes, isn't that what we are hoping they will think? The same thoughts do not lie behind breast feeding.

I disagree that it is a morality/modesty issue. Yes, I feel more comfortable not nursing in public, because we live in probably the only society in the world where it is taboo to nurse in public. But I don't think it's the same as dressing immodestly or being provocative. I mean in other countries women breastfeed at church, uncovered. Oh, the shock! I mean, isn't that like having sex in a church? Um, no, I dare say that it isn't.

Shouldn't we cover up so other people can feel comfortable? And another reader said, "SUPER awkward!! One time I babysat for this lady who would always be breast feeding her child when I arrived." Well, sorry, but if you're in my house, you're going to have to deal, especially if you're a woman. Although, I still usually cover up, heck I could walk around nude in my own home. If you are uncomfortable, then remove yourself.

But in public? Well, why does it make us so uncomfortable? I don't know. It makes me uncomfortable too. I'm pretty sure it's a cultural thing. And I don't think that means it's right. I mean, think of how interracial couples made people "uncomfortable" 40 years ago. Does that mean they shouldn't be allowed in public? Well, at one time the United States thought so. That doesn't mean that it's right. Social norms do shift, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad, but during the period of that shift, we will feel uncomfortable.

So, I guess I'm a little divided on the issue. I personally won't be breastfeeding out in the open any time soon. But I'm not going to say that those who do are wrong to do so.