Mommy: the Play

Cast:
D: a medical student and father of 3.
M: a stay at home mother of 3
1: a 5 year old girl
2: a 3 year old boy
3: a 10 month old baby

6 AM The sun is just rising.
3: Waaaahhhhhhhh!
M: Shhh, go to sleep. I'll feed you.
Rustle. Toss. Turn. Snore.
2: Waaahhhh! D!
Much noise and great clamor without the bedroom door as D gets up with 1 and 2.
3: Gahh goo gah. Hits M in face. 
M: Ok, ok. I'll get up. D leaves.
1,2: I'm hungry. Waahhh.
M: Here kids, have come cereal. It's fortified with vitamins and minerals.
3: Waaahhh.
M: Ok, I'll feed you, too.
1, 2 and 3 play while breakfast is cleaned up.
2, screaming: 1 hit me.
1: He hit me first.
Lots of screaming. Everyone goes to time out. Everyone returns from time out. Cartoons are turned on. 5 minutes pass.
2, screaming: 1 hit me.
1: He hit me first.
 Lots of screaming. Everyone goes to time out. Everyone returns from time out. Cartoons are turned off. 5 minutes pass.
 1: I said DON'T DO IT THAT WAY!
M enters the room just in time to see 1 put hand over 2's mouth. 
Lots of screaming.
1: 2 bit me.
M: Maybe you shouldn't put your hand over his mouth.
 Everyone goes to time out. Everyone returns from time out. 
3: Waaaahhhhhhh!
M: You must be hungry again. Let me feed you. Sets 3 in high chair with delicious blueberries. Thinks to self "I should probably make a snack for 1 and 2, too." Starts making fancy fruit and yogurt parfaits in ice cream cones. 2 enters.
2: I'm gungry. So gungry.
M: I'm making you a snack, it will be ready in one minute.  Washing blueberries as quickly as possible.
2: Mmmm.....blueberries. I love blueberries. Reaches for snack.
M: Wait, let me finish, it will be just a minute.
3: Waaaahhhh! He is out of blueberries.
M: (to 3) You need more blueberries? Hold on. (to 2) Let me get 3 more blueberries and then I'll put the rest on your snack. Don't touch it yet or it will fall on the floor. Turns to hand blueberries to 3. There's a loud splat. The fancy nearly-finished parfait is all over the kitchen floor. I said not to touch it! Get out of the kitchen.
2: No! You get out of the kitchen.
Lots of screaming. Everyone goes to time out. M cleans the floor. Everyone returns from time out.
3: Waaahhhh!
M: You must be tired. Puts 3 in crib, he falls asleep, M walks out and quietly closes the door.
Lots of screaming. 3 wakes up screaming. Everyone goes to time out. M puts baby back to sleep. Everyone returns from time out.
M: I'm going to take a shower. Turns on cartoons. Don't answer the door for anyone.
1: What if it's D?
M: D isn't coming home. D has a key. Don't answer the door.
2: What if it's bad guys?
M: Don't answer the door. If anyone knocks on the door come tell me. Don't answer the door.
2: Why do you need a shower?
M: I haven't had one in 2 days. I stink. Don't wake 3 up. Don't open his door. M leaves to take a shower, leaving the door slightly open. 
1: Hey, 2, go get us some books out of 3's room.
2: Ok!
M: I said don't go in there!
2: Ok!
M: Just watch cartoons, just 10 minutes. Jumps in shower. Puts shampoo in hair, lathers. Lots of screaming. What is going on?
2, screaming: She hit me.
1: He kicked me first.
2. She knocked me off the chair.
M: Just be quiet. Don't hit. Don't wake up 3. Don't open the door. Rinses. Puts conditioner in hair. Lots of screaming. 1 and 2, come here!
2: What? I didn't do anything. Opens shower curtain. I want a shower. I get in?
M: No, this is my shower. There's no room. Close the curtain. Go out. Close the door. Stop fighting. Be quiet. Don't wake up 3. Don't answer the door. 1 and 2 exit, leaving the door wide open. I said close the door!
Lots of screaming. 
1: I am closing the door.
2: No, I do it!
1: Ahhh
2. Ahhhh, I do it!
M: Be quiet!! Both of you, come in and close the door. Just stand there.
1: That's not fair.
M: Seriously? You are in time out. Just be quiet and let me rinse my hair. Rinses hair. 2 pulls open the shower curtain.
2: You get out now?
M: Yes, please let me dry off. Close the curtain. Dries off, wraps towel around her and walks to bedroom to get dressed. She barely has one leg in her pants when:
Lots of screaming. Everyone goes to time out. Everyone returns from time out.
3: Waaahhhhhh!
M: Is anyone even watching this cartoon? Goes and picks up 3. He stops crying, only briefly. Hungry again?
2: I need a snack.
1: Me too!
M: Pick up the toys in the living room and I'll get you lunch.
1: I don't want lunch, I want a snack.
M: Pick up the living room or there will be no food.
Phone rings. It's D.
D: Hi, Honey, how are you?
M: I, um, well, I'm... 2, don't sit on your brother.... I'm good. What's up?
D: I was going to come home and grab a sandwich.
M: Uhm, ok, do we have sandwich stuff?
D: I'm not picky, I'll take a peanut butter sandwich.
M: Oh, you want me to make it? Ok, yes.
D: No, I can make it. Or, would you please?
M: Yes, 2 get off your brother! Hangs up phone. Removes 2 from sitting on 3. Goes to kitchen. Decides to try to feed all people the same lunch, for convenience's sake. Opens fridge, sees 6 dozen eggs. Decides to make scrambled egg sandwiches. Gets out pan, cracks eggs, scrambles them. 
Lots of screaming. 
M: What is going on?
1: 2 isn't picking up.
2: I tired.
M: 2 pick up or go take a nap.
2: I gungry.
M: I'm making lunch.
1: 2, PICK UP! Hits him.
2, screaming: But 3 isn't picking up.
M: 3 is a baby. Just pick up 2 toys. Here, your dinosaur, go put it away. Hands 2 his dinosaur, he falls to the ground dramatically.
2: I tired.
1: That's not fair. 
Everyone goes to time out. Everyone returns from time out. M stirs eggs which are taking a long time to cook. D walks in the door.
D to 1,2, and 3, but not M: Wow, look at this mess, you'd better start cleaning this up. Here, 2, pick up this dinosaur. 2 takes dinosaur to his room. 
M: Hi. I'm working on those sandwiches. 2 get 3's binky out of your mouth. Stirs eggs, puts bread in toaster. 
D starts rummaging for bread. 
M: I'm working on it.
D continues looking for sandwiches: It's ok, I can make it.
M: Really, I'm working on it, the eggs are almost done.
D: I just wanted a peanut butter sandwich, but ok.

D leaves kitchen to supervise children cleaning living room. M plates and sandwich and hands it to D.
M: Here's one sandwich to eat while I get the other one ready.
D: That's ok, one is fine.
M: Just a second, it's almost ready. Tries to speed up toaster, gives up and manually pops out the half toasted bread. Frantically throws the sandwich together and puts it on a plate.
D: Hon, I have to go, one is fine.
M: Take the damn sandwich.
D: Ok!
1, 2, 3: Waaahhh, D, don't leave. D gives hugs and leaves. 
2: I want D.
M: How about some scrambled eggs.
2: Yay! Scrambled eggs. Gets eggs and sits down to eat. Too hot.
M: Just blow on them, they will cool down.
2: I can't.
1: I don't want eggs. I want tacos.
M: I made eggs.
1: You can eat the eggs.
M: I can't eat eggs, 3 is allergic. 2 don't blow so hard, you are getting eggs everywhere.
2: But M I have to blow hard. Too hot.
1: If you can't eat eggs, why did you make them?
M: 3 is allergic I don't want them all over the floor. 1, here are you eggs.
1: I want tacos.
2: M, I need more eggs.
M: Here, 2 eat 1's eggs. 1 I will make you tacos.
3: Waaaah.
M: Don't worry, 3, I didn't forget about you, here are some crackers and grapes. Gets tacos for 1. 
3: Waaahh!
M: That was fast. You need more food?
3: Waaahhh! M sits down to feed 3 real food. 1 and 2 run off to turn on tv.
M: Come back, put your plates in the sink.
2: Too tired.
M: Now. Or it's nap time. 2 throws plate in sink and runs off.
Lots of screaming. 
1: That's my blanket.
2: Mine!
M: Stop fighting or no movie. They settle down to watch a movie. 
3: Waaahh.
M: Now it's time for your nap. Spends many minutes getting baby to sleep. Places him in crib, closes door.
1, loudly: M! The movie's not working.
M: Yes, I see that, it looks like the internet is down. You'll either have to watch a DVD or go play a game. Just be quiet, 3 is sleeping.
1: That's not fair. You said we could watch a movie.
M: Sorry, it's not my fault, I'll see if I can fix it. Goes and starts checking the connection. 
Lots of screaming. 
2: That's my blanket.
1: No, it's mine.
M: Be quiet or go to your room. Everyone goes to time out. Everyone returns from time out.
3: Waaaahhhhh!
M: Maybe we should just go to the park!
1 and 2: Yay the park! I want to go to the park! 
M: Ok, get your shoes on, let me get 3 ready. Wait, get your day time clothes on.
2: No, pajamas!
M: You have to wear daytime clothes if you want to go to the park. M looks out window and notices city utilities are completely blocking the car into the driveway. Uhoh. It looks like we won't be able to go to the park.
Lots of screaming. 
1: That's not fair!
2: I wanna go to the park!
M: Sorry, we can't, we can't get out of the driveway, look. 1 and 2 look out the window.
1: M, you could just move the truck.
M: I don't have the keys. Here let's put in a DVD. Goes to put in a DVD. The player is jammed with another DVD. 2 did you put a DVD in here?
2: Yep!
M: That breaks it. Don't put DVDs in here, ask for help. Well, it looks like we will have to find something else to do.
1: That's not fair! You can fix it.
M: Not right now. Let's read some books.
1: No. I don't want to.
M: Or we could take naps.
2: I'm gungry.
1: Can we have a snack?
M: Yes. Snacks for everyone. Wait, I didn't eat lunch.
1: M, that's silly. Why didn't you eat lunch?
M: I have no idea. Here, fruit snacks!
1: I want carrots with ranch.
M: Here, fruit snacks!
1: Can I please have carrots?
2: Carrots, carrots, carrots!
M: But fruit snacks are so much easier. And hey, look at that, it's almost time to make dinner. Yes, you can have carrots. Sets a plate of carrots and ranch on the table. Here you go.
1: M, your breath is stinky.
M: It's because I haven't brushed my teeth yet.
1: Ewww, that's gross.
M: Yes, yes it is. 2 sneezes carrots everywhere. M looks around and notices the living room looks like it exploded.

....to be continued.